Sunday, February 15, 2009

I don't do cows.

I'm not a cow person. They're cute when they're calves, sure, but ... They're cows. Stinky, smelly, and um... sloppy. I'll clean up after horses all day, but ask me to walk through a cow pen, and I'll be donning overboots over my precious Ariats. The calves sure are cute though!
Number 607 here is determined to win me over with his soft liquid brown eyes. Awwww.... So cute! Wait! It's still a cow! I must resist it's wiles! Must...not...be...overcome!
Ah, yes! This is more like it. A sticky, snotty nose. My revulsion is coming back. Much better now. The warm, fuzzy feeling has once again been replaced by a slight gagging sensation.
And this one! Ack! Psycho bug eyes! What's with that?! Wait a second... This one has got my ugly morning afro hair! Is it possible I've actually got something in common with these critters? Could it be? Does she struggle with finding just the right hair product to prevent the fly-aways? Does she also condition religiously, and cringe when the weatherman mentions "humidity?" Sure, she's got crazy eyes (Amber, if you want to keep your job, you might not want to go there...), but still... There's something almost human here...
And this one! Number 593. This poor thing must stare in the mirror every morning, and obsess about her poor uneven face. We all know how hard it can be to hide our horns! She must be tormented with self-doubt and uncertainty! These cows are almost human! I can feel the connection and bond growing. I think I need to commune with these creatures and become a member of their fold. They will become like family, like a... Wait a second! What the?!!! Is that calf really... NO! It can't be! Please tell me she is not .... please, no!AAACK! GAG! NOOOOOO! EEEEEWWWWWWWWW! Cows are nasty, yucky, gross, beastly, disgusting, awful, repugnant, vulgar, nauseating, vile, foul, filthy, ... EEEEWWW!
The babies are still cute though...



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